Podcasting To Save My Life

It was 2008, I’d been married two weeks and my wife was pregnant with our third child. Things were great.

Out of the blue, on the way to the Mighty Boosh festival, our lives changed forever.

Just outside Kent we had an accident on the motorway that left me with life-changing spinal injuries. From that point in 2008 until 2013 I had to use crutches and a wheelchair to get around with little to no feeling in my right leg, whilst being unable to dress and wash myself. This put a tremendous amount of pressure on my wife.

As my physical health deteriorated, over the years my mental health also got worse. I'd gone from working full-time from aged 16, playing sport and being an active father of soon-to-be three young boys, to being completely dependant on my wife and family.

As I struggled each day I wondered where I was going and bluntly I felt like I was literally just waiting to die - I wasn't even 40.

To cut a long and painful story short I had a spinal fusion in 2013 after losing feeling in my other leg. The surgery was followed by intensive physio as I was determined that I’d get some level of independence back and ease the burden on my wife and children.

After weeks of painful physio and lots of tears I was able to walk with a stick and could do some things for myself.

But while my physical situation had improved, my mental health was at its lowest point and without being too graphic I was on the brink, staring into the abyss.

I was ashamed of myself and the pressure that was on my wife, all whilst she was working full time, looking after our three children, running our household and still caring for me (Yes she is that special).

As I struggled each day I wondered where I was going and bluntly I felt like I was literally just waiting to die - I wasn't even 40. I felt alone and isolated.

How, after everything she’d done for me could I pile even more on my wife by telling her how I felt and how much I was struggling. It was a dark time.

Where there’s darkness eventually there comes light and by chance this came in the form of a friend in America who invited me to take part in a podcast over Skype and although I didn’t realise it, this was the moment where everything changed?

It wasn’t too long before what had started as a way to help my mental health had become something bigger and truly special.

I'd got the podcast bug! Somehow in my darkest moments a random opportunity over the Internet had rekindled a fire inside me. As time passed I began to dream of setting up my own podcast or YouTube channel so I could speak to interesting people and create content that wasn’t scripted - real conversations with the real person, not the public image.

That was the vision. The plan on paper was simple, it was just a way to help my mental health and connecting with people on some level once again, while also being something that I could do around my constant pain which was and still is 24 hrs a day, every day.

I procrastinated for months, even years, about how I’d get started, but my mental health didn't improve. One night following an appearance on another podcast with my friend, I just said ‘I'm doing it’ and in typical Si fashion ran before I could walk.

Si with Merthyr boxer Gavin Gwyn in ESM towers. New pod coming soon! Image: EatSleep Media.

I had a name relating to my children’s, set up the channel and went about setting up some guests. I had no equipment and no real plan outside of my general vision.

In hindsight I think the reason I rushed into the setting up part was because I was scared. Scared to fail. Scared to take a risk or bet on myself. But, probably, most of all I was scared I’d change my mind.

In the early days it was painful from a viewing perspective as it was sometimes single figures. However as time went by the channel grew and the support came through our own small community of regular viewers.

It wasn’t too long before what had started as a way to help my mental health had become something bigger and truly special. It had grown way past anything I'd ever dreamt of and I was doing regular shows with people I'd only months earlier considered heroes and icons.

The guests and shows kept coming, the community helping each other in the comments and live chat somehow seemed to be restoring my faith in people each week whilst also improving my mental health. The more I talked, the more people I connected with.

It's no exaggeration to say podcasting saved my life. It sounds dramatic, I know, but that's not the end of the story. Last year I was getting restless as I wanted to take things to the next level. I wanted to continue growing and I planned to set up my own studio or find somewhere that I could record shows in person.

I felt stuck as the channel made little to no money and I can’t really travel far due to my health conditions. It was a quandary which was creating a feeling of a dark cloud I recognised all too well

I'd had Welsh football journalist Laurence Mora on a few times for various shows and I'd like to think we'd become friends over the months as we exchanged messages over football and life.

Just before Christmas last year, I'd mentioned my frustrations and also my big plans for where I'd like to take the channel from studio shows to live shows with an audience and much more.

This is where the stars seemed to align perfectly and where my friends at media production company EatSleep Media came into play. Laurence told me that they had a studio space and equipment if required to hire out, the best thing was it was in my home city of Cardiff.

I was already familiar with the content and work ESM do with the Welsh FA and others so I knew they were among the very best at what they do.

Now, I'm no big believer in things like fate, but this opportunity felt too good to miss and I immediately arranged to get in the studio with Rhodri Giggs to record an episode of our show, which is live every Thursday at 7.30pm, please excuse the shameless plug.

From the moment I arrived I was made to feel welcome as they set up and showed me around. It was perfect for my needs, not just logistically, but at that exact time in my life it was the perfect solution to where I wanted to go next.

I cannot speak highly enough of ESM- from their content to their equipment to their facilities, but most importantly the people.

I’m so proud to have played a small part in creating a community that’s so free of the toxic atmosphere we so often see on social media.

Since that show with Rhodri, I have been there on an almost weekly basis recording shows with a variety of footballers and guests as they join me to tell their story.

They all say the same thing to me as I leave, what a great place, what a fantastic group of people .It's always a pleasure and ESM has helped me take the next step towards making my plans a reality, and oh boy have I got plans!

It is true my wife dragged me through the hardest time of my life and made sure I survived it; a debt I can never repay. However, it’s also true that podcasting saved me. It breathed life into a ravaged body that had lost all hope.

I couldn't do it without the support of the community we have created at A.C.E Podcast Nation. It may not be the biggest in the UK, but it’s ours and it is special. I’m so proud to have played a small part in creating a community that’s so free of the toxic atmosphere we so often see on social media.

We are affectionately named the #ACENationArmy and the plans, much like the content, will keep coming.

Live shows are the next target, I truly hope to see you there.

Follow A.C.E Podcast Nation on Twitter, Facebook and Youtube.